Although I have left my relationship last year November (2008), one would think that after over a year of single life that things become easier and if not, at least that they are at least getting easier.
“BIG SIGH”
IF only they had… what a dissapointment…
Yes of course, I have my good and bad days and yes, of course, I have more ‘good’ days, but the last two days have been all else BUT‘good’ days.
Maybe it has to do with listening to the words of ‘old’ songs whilst driving? Is it the festive season? Cold, cozy nights indoors? Or is it the end of another year? Who knows? For sure I am going through some emotional turmoil. Dialogue in my head. Questioning my decision and yes, even chest-pain.
What it is about him? I have left after almost 8 years? Am I still missing him? Am I missing his arms around me? Smelling his After-Shave? Listening to his voice? … and yes… there is also his kiss… am I missing it and the rest of it? …
But all I know is that as much as I want to be with him, as much I DON’T really want to be with him… Maybe I should just enter a new relationship? Or would it be ‘wrong’?
Love affairs. Who wants them? Only the phrase brings up all kinds of emotions in me.
Love affairs can be so many things, from wonderful to awful, from exciting to frightening, from glorious to hurtful.
For some love affairs can be the most destructive thing in the world, for others the most creative thing in the world.
Have you ever thought how it would be if no woman in the world would ever go out with a married man? And of course, same visa versa. I guess the divorce rate would drop drastically, don’t you think?
Question is, what makes us want to date someone who’s ‘taken’? Who’s already committed? Someone who’s married with a family? YES, someone who IS unavailable?
Is it the adventure? Romance? The excitement of something new? The thrill of the forbidden? Maybe even boredom and YES, is it just sex?
Where will it all end? And what about the many lives that can be destroyed? And even if it goes on for sometime and you get emotionally involved, your heart is on fire and than realise there is no future? Where will it leave you?
Just to remind you, trust IS the basis of a good relationship. The nature of the ties don’t matter, be it boyfriend and girlfriend, husband and wife, friends, siblings, neighbours, fellow workers, parents etc. You have to have some measure of trust with others to have the ability to get on well with them.
Sad but true, but this is really the point most men don’t grasp. Most males expect to ’run’ a relationship on their terms. When, where, what, how and not to forget the time here, HE determines when he had enough.
If you doubt him, he doesn’t support you, doesn’t re-assure you - no, he gets moody, calls you insecure and yes, he calls you needy. Where all you want is take part in his day, share what he’s been doing, support him, be there with love and understanding. You doubt him because of what he says and what he doesn’t say. And the distrust creeps in.
So how do you trust a man who talks about other people, even friends, but he never takes you to meet them?
How do you trust a man who swears his love to you, but he can’t introduce you to his family?
And how do you trust a man who just appears to be interested in your body? Having a fun time between the sheets and doesn’t desire to go out with you?
Love and Anger in Your Relationship | Anger, Love’s Poison
It’s impossible for love and anger to run alongside each other. Especially not in a relationship. Surely I don’t have to tell you that anger will ALWAYS push love away. It is almost impossible for someone to receive anger and to continue feeling love towards the angry person.
Anger shows up in many different forms, I.e, sarcasm, hostility, criticism and yes, in many cases even in cruelty. Anger poisons love. Anger is known to be one of the most negative emotions, and negative feelings are powerful. They linger. They are LONG lasting.
We all experience times when we feel irritated with our partner, or even another close member of the family. But at these moments we have a choice. We will almost certainly ruin our relationship if we react with judgement, criticism, conflict or anger. As I said, we have a choice, and we can consciously decide to respond with kindness, understanding, patience and yes, we can also respond with love.
If you think or anyone tells you that arguments are ‘normal’ or a ‘necessary’ part in a relationship, don’t listen and think again. Successful relationships are built with love and respect. By arguing and showing anger you will drive a wedge between you and your partner. And that in turn makes feelings of love and respect for each other impossible. Of course, we do accept the occasional ‘conflict’, and a strong relationship will without a doubt endure the occasional “mistake” and really, we all rather strive for continuous peace, tranquillity and harmony.
So if you want a loving relationship - keep your anger away.
Your first love. Did you feel the nervousness? Being overwhelmed with the desire to spend every single second with that person. Constant nagging doubts that the bubble would burst and end any minute?
Do you remember the exact moment when you were holding hands? Kissed? … Touched? … and who knows, possibly made love?
Do you remember that time?
Are you sure? You don’t? ? To be honest, I don’t really remember it either.
Lets be serious for a minute. The first moment, the first blush of love is not like anything else you experience in life. Well, of course, I am not denying that there is always bungee jumping, white water rafting, sky diving and maybe for some even swimming with sharks.
To me, when you are in love, you see the world through totally different eyes. You care for someone more than you care for yourself. You feel complete. You never want to be with anyone else except for the one you feel this overwhelming hot desire.
Lets face it. I am sure that most would love to have just one love for their entire life. Some like one to many, where others love with getting nothing in return. And than there are those who are lonely all of their lives and they may find comfort in doing something else.
Love is like an emotional roller coaster and whatever circumstances you find yourself in, it is YOU who’s in the front car.
When love ‘turns up’, it can do that in many ways and you never know when the love arrow hits you straight in your heart.
Love can knock on your door at any age. At any time. At any place. Love can leave you breathless.
If you have a love in your life, be nice to them. Be kind to them. There are many ways to show your love. Show them how much you love them in your own special way.
For the once who are without love. Do not be discouraged. Love seldom comes to you, so seek it out, find it.
You’re in a relationship that fills you with pain, worry, doubt, anxiety and restlessness. You suddenly suffer from sleepless nights. Biting your fingernails. You sit most nights drinking alcohol and smoking.
Wasn’t it just glorious when you first met? You just couldn’t believe how intelligent, funny and loving he was. You got to know each other. He turned into an angry, distant and domineering man. But you were so insanely in love with him and you accepted any humiliation.
You forgot how to be yourself. You were always alert to his moods. You were helpful and yes, even eager to change. But the day came and you couldn’t take it any longer. You moved out. Well, for one day and than you were back.
Not a lot changed. You still craved affection as well as communication. The way he was hooked on computer games and playing non-stop drives you insane. You can’t stand his lack of needing to be with you. To communicate with you. The missing intimacy. The loneliness and the feeling of sexual deprivation.
You feel dependent, where you want to feel relaxed, be at peace. Change your focus. But you choose to blame yourself, after all, it isn’t really his fault.
Does this sound like you?
Love addiction or emotional neediness is a toxic interplay which I also class as co-dependency. A dysfunctional approach to relationships.
=> Love addicts have overpowering emotional needs
=> Love addicts are unable to love themselves, as they have an empty space within they cannot nurture, calm or soothe
=> Love addicts don’t have a clue who they are
=> Love addicts dislike who they think they are
=> Love addicts have no self-esteem
=> Love addicts rely on other’s approval
=> Love addicts rely on other’s love
=> Love addicts have the need for attention
=> Love addicts have a strong need for passion (mistaking passion for love)
=> Love addicts are exhausting
=> Love addicts can humiliate themselves
=> Love addicts can adapt to whatever their lover admires
=> Love addicts can easily accept any kind of abuse
=> Love addicts are obsessed
=> Love addicts may abuse alcohol or food (many are alcoholics or suffer from eating disorders)
=> Love addicts medicate their pain by going shopping
=> Love addicts are destructive
If a love addict feels rejected, he/she may choose to constantly send text messages, call the other person, become a stalker, or even try and stop a new relationship.
Love addiction is a desperate cry for help! Love addiction is a compulsive behaviour, but I guess all addictions are. Lets face it, all addictions are exhausting and of course deeply destructive. If you are a love addict, you know deep down that you are scared of being alone. Being without your lover. Where in reality you know that you want to be FREE.
So how about YOU? Are YOU a love addict?
Final thought: Remember, the cause of your unhappiness is not your relationship, that is just the symptom!
=> How do you feel when someone tells you “I love you” for the first time?
=> After a couple of months dating someone, how many of your friends, family members, colleagues do you introduce them to?
=> How much of your time do you put into a relationship?
=> How do you feel spending time with people who been married for some time?
=> Would you want to change the person you are dating before you commit yourself?
=> The person you are dating becomes needy whilst going through a rough patch, what would you do?
=> Could you see yourself cheating on someone at this point in your life?
