I really enjoyed listening to this, especially as it actually explained a few things about the relationship I was in for over 8 years not so long ago. Similarities I tell you. Realtionships. Actually very simple really.

Sit back, listen and see what you think. You may find some similarities if not answers that surprise you.

Now, lets see if you’re an addict!

The Man Who Didn’t Believe In Love – by Don Miguel Ruiz

Related links:
“The Mastery of Love” an interview with Don Miguel Ruiz

We all know that relationships can be such a challenge, especially when life pulls us in opposite directions at the same time.

Isn’t it surprising how many people go through life not ever recognising that how they feel about other people is largely determined by how they feel towards themselves? If we are not comfortable within ourselves, we cannot be comfortable with anyone else.

Most peoples focus lies on how they are different from others as their personality feels the need to be unique and special . Differences hold the capacity to develop conflict, but at the same time, our Souls live through connection with others.

We are always challenged to grow above our personal preferences, so that we can discover how we and others are the same. Think about it, as the overall need lies in finding the balance of these two tendencies.

Loving yourself is empowering! Making anybody else responsible for you feeling loved, making you feel loved and looking for it outside of yourself is disempowering. ONLY by loving yourself you grow to be independent.

I am sure that most of you have noticed that almost every time you switch on the radio you will most likely hear a song that talks about some kind of co-dependent love. There are THOUSANDS of songs out there!

Just a few examples here, how about “Diana Ross & Lionel Richie” – “My Endless Love” or “Celine Dion – “I’m everything I am because you loved me” and what about “Michael Bolton” – “Tell me how I am supposed to live without you”. YIKES! Who is going to believe that? Certainly not me!

Read the related link: How To Grow Independent By Loving Yourself

Article from violawoolcott.com from 2007

Don’t we all have the right to choose and to define our own boundaries in this area?

When I was quite young, I tried avoiding hugging whenever it was possible and that even includes family gatherings.

How little did I know – I wasn’t even old enough to consider what situations may transpire before I hug a…boy. And hugging girls? No chance. Just forget it!

Years and years later I learned to enjoy the openness, the honesty of embracing the once you love, family, friends and yes, even the once who “needed” it – no matter if male or female. Even if only for a few minutes, most of the time hugs are a non-sexual way of joining, of supporting, of giving and receiving, of becoming one.

For sure, there are different kinds of hugs, just as there are without doubt many kinds of different kisses. It all depends on the intention. There are hugs and kisses, hot passionate clinches or a squeeze of someone’s shoulder and even just friendly pats on the back. A-Frames, melding hugs, quick hugs and hugs that stay with you for longer… and make you sigh…and there are also some of us who love hugging trees (me included). The hug is a form of for example caring, connection, greeting, farewell, affection, affirmation, gratitude, very different from culture to culture.

For some of us hugging requires a leap of faith, an act of courage. They are quick to reach out and offer one of these handshakes that range from the tepid fingertip hold to iron grasp…well, at a distance anyway. For reasons of their own some of us stay uncomfortable with hugging in particular when it comes to the opposite (or same for that matter) gender.

Sometimes, a hug is all what we need and not so long ago “Juan Mann” conducted a daring experiment offering “Hugs for Free”. It was his sole mission to reach out, hug a stranger and brighten up their lives. In these days of social disconnectivity and lack of human contact, the effects of the Free Hugs campaign became phenomenal.

I am sure that most have watched the video, but for those that haven’t, witness the true spirit of humanity coming together in what can only be described as awe inspiring.

Article from violawoolcott.com from 2007

How can we mend a broken heart?

How can we stop the rain from falling?

How can we stop the sun from shining?

Stop the rain from falling? Stop the sun from shining? Is this really what we want?

I have asked myself this question many, many, many times in my life and I guess that could be something to “argue” about….

I don’t know why, but even I felt lonely tonight.

I decided to lay in my garden on my bench with loads of cushions, listening to my favourite music, with the sun blinder drawn to catch the rain drops and watching them roll down the blinder to just hit the floor……..

I laid there for ages thinking……. starting to feel the cold……. wishing to share the moment in time with someone…. but also knowing that the greatest gift I can give to myself is loving myself and therefore I wouldn’t feel lonely……….

…………..I am definately no expert and I certainly don’t have all of the answers, but I have been through a tremendous amount of experiences in my life and I am not only talking relationships………..but isn’t life and the choices we make what shapes us all? What “makes” us who we are? Who we have become? And if you think about it, aren’t you just grateful for all of your experiences? Of who you are? What you have become? NO doubt, I am!!

The greatest gift that we can receive is loving ourselves… in all aspects of our lives.

Love is the sweet nectar of our soul from which springs forth true abundance, bliss, as well as peace…the fountain of love and deep appreciation.

Loving yourself deeply will surprise you by the riches that come into your life as well as all the things that you have longed for that can be yours, provided that you live from a deep and unending well of self-love.

Don’t ever wish for the rain from falling….
Don’t ever wish for the sun from shining….

ENJOY and if you like let me know how it is that you feel!!

Van Morrison – Someone like you

An old posting by BD, my ‘old’ Webmaster

I have been a fan of Van Morrison and his music for just about as long as I can remember. A huge number of his songs take you on a spiritually inspired musical journey and it seems like he speaks to your soul, to your higher self.

Not only is his music inspirational but for me at least, it touches places deep down inside me that I have often been guilty of ignoring, denying the existence of, especially in the hustle and bustle of everyday life. They are also often great love songs and great poems (Just read the lyrics if you get a chance)

There are too many songs to choose a favourite from – depending on ones mood, one day one song reaches out to you more than another.

Today that song is: Someone Like You and this song is especially for Viola.

Here are some of the Lyrics:

I’ve been travellin a hard road
Lookin for someone exactly like you
I’ve been carryin my heavy load
Waiting for the light to come
Shining through.
Someone like you makes it
All worth while
Someone like you keeps
Me satisfied. someone exactly
Like you.

I’ve been all around the world
Marching to the beat of a different
Drum.
But just lately I have
Realised
The best is yet to come.

Submitted by Anne Hoesch

Everything I write is purely from my own point of view so it may not make sense to everyone else. I was thinking the other day, after disccussing this subject with a friend of mine, how complicated the mother/daughter relationship can be!

When my son was born he was already special in his own right, he was my first born. My first experience with a full term pregnancy, and all the ups and downs that go with it. He had, from the moment he was born, his rightful place in my life and in my heart and he will always be special to me.

Later though, when I thought about having another child, I realised how much I longed for a little girl. Someone who would be a minature, mini “me”. Someone I could dress up and spoil, and share all those feminine thoughts with that males just dont understand. “A soulsister”!

As it so happened I was very lucky that my second child was just that. A beautiful little girl who looked like her grandmother, but with curly hair (me again . I remember still how thrilled her father and I were, because apart from anything else, we were not planning other children so that this little girl just made our lives perfect.

Over the years of course it has not all been smooth sailing. My daughter and I have had plenty of fights. And tears. And misunderstandings. But we have a unique closeness. We understand each other. Our simple “femaleness” bonds us together in a way that can’t (I think) happen between mothers and sons, no matter how close they are. My daughter and I are on the same wavelength. The screaming and shouting matches are something we both need in our “female world”. They rock the boat, and afterwards we realise how great it is to sometimes be able to let off steam with someone who is going to love you anyway. Nothing can break this bond between us.

I have always felt this affinity with all things female. I quess men feel the same about other males. This basic understanding of what’s going on in their heads without having to ask. Sharing the same experiences of life.

For us girls of course, periods (the horror!), the first date. The first love. The first sexual experience. Weddings and then of course having our babies. I believe that we see our daughters as an extension of ourselves and that we want to protect them from all that can hurt them in life. From making the same mistakes (that we feel) we made in our own lives. Of course, this naturally leads to tensions and fights. It’s ok though and its the most natural relationship in the world. Girls are carrying on the cycle, our lives lived again as their lives. We speak the same language and experience the same emotions. Some would call this hormones, but I prefer to see it in a wider sense. How often do we hear people say “oh you dont get on because youre just too much alike!!” This is very true of the mother/daughter conflicts that can arise because we have been down this road and with the hindsight of experience we “know better”. In trying to protect our baby girls we tell her so. Naturally they don’t appreciate our wisdom and consequently the female feathers fly!!

I guess what I’m trying to say here is that no matter what problems we may have with our daughters, the relationship is unique. It’s very, very special and there is nothing which can change that, but we have to take a step back and let go a little when our daughters are struggling to become her own woman.

I once read a book about the relationships and affinities between all the women of the world which refered to us all as “sisters”. To me, the mother/daughter relationship is probably the most precious, and also, the most volatile of them all.

Ryan Estrada is an Adventurer and from what I can tell, an amazing Human Being. His website features videos of his MISSIONS – which are set by his viewers.

Ryan’s viewers send him on missions, and he travels the world solving them. They can be specific missions, vague missions, dangerous missions, ridiculous missions, whatever you can dream up. So far he has had to kiss a rat, hike through the Himalayas, interview a bandit, hang out at a leper colony, and many other things he never thought he would do.

In this video – his mission is to “bring joy to a child labourer”

Every week, somewhere in the world, I solve a mission sent one of my viewers. One of my missions was “bring joy to a child laborer”, so I meet a small boy with two blind parents who must shine shoes to support his family, and try to make his day.

The Ryan Estrada Expeditions is a weekly adventure show where I travel the world completing whatever missions people send me on. Some are serious, like this one, some are silly, and others are just ridiculous. Check them out here, or at http://www.ryanestrada.com/expeditions

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I am not an agony aunt or a relationship expert, far from it, BUT lately I have been hearing more and more about “time delay split ups”, so I have done some “investigations”.

Couples feel that by making these private decisions and working on a exit strategy by “delaying the moment” in telling their friends and families, gives them time to allow and stabilise fragile emotions as well as making it less hard on them and taking some of the immidiate stresses away. So secret break ups are on the rise!

Over the past few years “time delay” splits are on the increase and they certainly have become more common. More and more relationships (marriages for that matter) break down and to manage them, sophisticated strategies are developed. Couples decide to still live together for various reasons and sometimes they even plan to do so for some time, which makes it possible for these break ups to be “the best kept secret” for weeks and sometimes even months.

Listening to people’s opinions, I understand that it avoids outside influences as well as it stops people from gossiping by keeping their splits private until all of the details of separation are at least sorted. As most of us know, even making that final decision, there are plenty of things and issues to be sorted and dealt with.

Rhys, a friend of mine told me some time ago that a time delay split between him and his wife brought back the much-needed feeling of “control” for both of them. With the break up being final, the time delay split allowed them to manage the “fallout” and to work out together how to tell everyone i.e. children, parents, friends. From what I know and what I have seen, it worked VERY well for both of them and their children.

It all sound pretty simple to me, but to me the question remains how time delay splits would work if there was another person involved. I feel that if “cheating” would come into it, it be a total different matter.

Yesterday in a conversation with my close friend the word LOVE kept coming up.

“Love, what is it anyway?”

We agreed that love couldn’t really be measured by anything or be seen and as it is an exceptional force, it has the power to transform anyone’s life in a blink of an eye.

Everyone needs love and it can equally be given to anyone – the rich as well as the poor, regardless of age, gender, race or physical ability. There is enough available and we can give it freely to all.

Much of our time we waste on things instead of the people we love as well as missing the chance to express it. We have regrets – but we can’t turn back the clock.

How about showing someone you feel love for in your heart (in the best way you know how) that you love them?